Welcome to the Celebration of Brian's Life
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A Letter to Brian - by Kevin Simmons
EULOGY FOR BRIAN
Presented by Mark Simmons
I want to thank all of you for joining us today in celebrating the life and spirit of my brother Brian.
My brother was one of the most unique and wonderful individuals that I have ever known or encountered. He had an amazing capacity for making anyone with whom he encountered or interacted feel like who they were or what they had to say was important and interesting to him. Caring, understanding, enjoying and communicating came naturally to him.
To his family and wide circle of friends he was many things; supporter, confidant, confessor, advocate, counselor, friend, entertainer, cheerleader, hero, inspiration and so much more.
Interacting and gathering with family and friends was the most important thing in his life. More than work, traveling, photography, personal projects or any other aspects of his life he was fueled by his interactions with those he loved and cared about. The love and joy he felt and experienced after the fundrasier in May had him, for want of a better word, “high” for weeks. He is probably looking down on us right now and pissed because here are all his good, close family and friends gathered in one place and he isn’t able to be here to interact, converse or joke with us or entertain us with one of his stories.
To our family he was the keeper of the flame…he was the one with the remarkable ability to keep memories and experiences of our past alive and vital. Always based in truth, he would often embellish in the retelling but only to make the experience more entertaining and memorable. I know he provided the same degree of entertaining storytelling when he was together with friends.
Brian’s unselfishness towards friends and family was boundless, always concerned more about how others were doing or how they were dealing with any difficulties in their lives. Even over these past 10 months as he suffered from the ravages of his cancer he would always ask friends and family who came to visit how they were doing before he would talk about himself. He was an individual who truly would give you the shirt off his back. He would do anything for you if it was within his capabilities, often without being asked.
He came to my rescue more times than I can count. One example is when I was going through a difficult time in my life out in California back in the late 80’s. He quit his job in New Hampshire and moved out to be with me in Oceanside after talking with me on the phone and sensing my despair. He did this without my asking, totally catching me off guard. In true Brian fashion, he also spent time with my now ex-wife, who was like a sister to him, and provided comfort, understanding and assistance to her and my children who were all young at that time. We spent a lot of quality time together during that period in which he provided invaluable consolation to me. He did make the best of his time in southern California, reconnecting with old friends who lived in the area but he didn’t profit in any financial way from the move and he came out primarily to be with me. He truly rescued me and helped me get my life back on track at that time.
His capacity to forgive and accept people for who they are was amazing. He has forgiven many in his past, even family, who treated him in an inappropriate manner or did him a disservice, myself included, and yet continued to keep us as an important part of his life. He always strived not to be judgmental and overlook an individuals faults and shortcomings if he sensed that down deep they were a good and valuable person.
He could be critical of certain individuals and would often join in on discussions of this nature with family and friends but he would also be the first to point out any good or positive aspects or characteristics of that person (except for maybe George Bush). His ability to forgive, his attempts to be non-judgmental and to look for the good in people are aspects of his character that he had in common with our mother.
He was naturally charming and flirtatious. I’m sure most of the females in this room know what I mean. He had all of my kids under his spell. His sense of humor is legendary and his wit was as quick as anyone I know. You were rarely able to catch Brian off guard with a jab or a zinger without him throwing a quick comeback your way. All the stories and experiences he told accented their humorous aspects.
He had an ego to be sure, but he wasn’t egotistical. You could bust him and he wouldn’t be insulted. Back when my mother was still alive and she and I would get together and would often get talking about lots of different things, we often would come to a subject or situation in which neither of us knew the answer. The running joke between us was “Let’s call Brian, he’ll know the answer because he knows everything”. When we finally revealed this to Brian he looked at us with a serious, deadpan expression and replied “Where’s the joke in that, I do know everything”. Typical Brian.
One of the true sorrows of my life is that my grandchildren will never get to experience the wonderfulness of their great-Uncle Brian. But they will hear all the stories, see all the pictures and share in the memories.
Like when my mother passed away 11 years ago, I am at a loss to be able to make any sense of it. Like Mom he had so much life, so much love of life in him. And like Mom he was young for his age. For both the end came much too quickly and unexpectedly. But sometimes something good emerges. My mother’s passing brought my brothers and I back home. Over the course of these past 10 years I have been able to forge a stronger and more satisfying relationship with both my brothers than ever existed between us before. I can’t speak for Kevin on this because he has had a strong bond with Brian throughout their adult life. In addition to being brothers and best friends they’ve been roommates, adventures and coworkers in different locations throughout the years. But for me, over these past years, Brian and Kevin were not only my brothers but have become, along with my wife, my best friends.
Can any good come out of Brian’s passing…maybe only time will tell. But if those of us who are here today and for all those who knew and loved Brian if we use his passing as an opportunity to examine our own lives and relationships and commit to improving and strengthening those relationships with family and friends maybe that’s the start of something good. And that would please Brian very much.
I’ve gone on way to long and I could honestly stand up here for hours giving examples of what a wonderful human being my brother was to me and to everyone he encountered. He ended the article he wrote for the Exeter Wellness Center, the one posted on the home page of the support4simbo website, saying “I am a most fortunate man”! Bro, I have to disagree with you on that one. It is we, your family, friends, coworkers and acquaintances, who are truly the most fortunate ones for having been blessed with having you in our lives. You will be greatly missed but I know I speak for all of us when I say we will continue to keep your spirit and memory alive.
I love you Brian, you are not only my brother but one of my very best friends. I know you and Mom are together now and watching over us. I will miss you more than you could ever know.
Slideshow Part 1
Neil Young - I am a Child
Slideshow Part 2
Jackson Browne - Fountain of Sorrow
Brian’s body lies still
Though the memories of him will
Travel through the hearts and minds
Of those who knew and loved him
Brian’s body lies still
Yet his spirit flies free
To spend time with angels and those
Whom he loved and missed for so long
Brian’s body lies still
As our tears flow and spill
Onto our faces, our chins and fall onto our hearts
As we miss him, yes miss him.
We didn’t want him to go, we needed him so
Very much as a son, a brother, a friend.
As we weep for the loss of this great one
Let us remember in faith and find strength
In those many fine memories of Brian
As we wait to meet him again.
September 18, 2006
Presented by Kelsi McCarthy
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My name is Bob Parizo
Long time friend of Brian’s and family
I have had the priviledge of co-habitating with Brian and Kevin for 2+ years, most recently, the last 7 months of Brian’s life.
I, unlike Brian, don’t have his writing or speaking skills, so please bear with me.
As I sit on my couch writing this, so many things cross my mind, where do I start?
The alphabet comes to mind:
Amazing
Brilliant
Compassionate-Courageous
Devoted
Envisioned
Flirtatious
Gentleman-Generous-Gorgeous & G.Q.
Humorous
Interesting
Judicious
Kind
Loving
Motivated
Nostalgic
Outgoing
Proud
Qualified
Reassuring
Special-Sincere-Sexy
Trusting
Unique
Vivid
World Traveler
Youthful
And last, but not least
Zestful
These are just a sample of what Brian was. Brian possessed great qualities whose list is endless. Everyone in this room could make a list, which would be totally different, but yet, the same.
All of us have been touched by Brian in his own special way…
I have learned so much from Brian these last few months
I have learned of Brian’s care and concern for his family, friends, and acquaintances.
Brian was a communicator-
Brian was the one who stayed in touch, wrote letters, and made calls, just to make sure everyone was connected.
Brian was the most unselfish man I knew.
Did you ever notice that when you would call him with your concerns and ask Brian, “How are you?” his answer would be a quick “I’m fine, How are you?”
That was Brian the unselfish person…
When you hear Brian Simmons, what crosses your mind?
Is it the devoted son, brother, uncle, or the unselfish cousin, lover, or friend?
Brian was a true friend who would always be there to help in any way possible.
Brian was a great listener. He had the ability to take things in, decipher them and give great advice.
Brian had his head on straight! Brian has done more in 48 years of life than most people could ever dream about. Brian led a very full life some of which I will now try to mention.
Brian hitchhiked and drove across the U.S. twice.
Upon arriving at University of California at Santa Cruz, Brian studied environmental planning and community studies. During that time he worked in Tahoe at the casinos to pay for college. After receiving his 2 degrees, he traveled to Alaska to meet with Kevin. They both worked construction and commercially fished for 1 ½ years, at which point they took a 6 week trip down the Continental Divide.
The trip consisted of a ferry ride to Seattle where they got Kevin’s car out of hibernation and drove to Glacier Nat’l Park in Montana for 1 week, on to Bob Marshall Wilderness, then Livingston, then Yellowstone for 7 days. Onward they traveled to the Grand Tetons, Jackson Hole, and Bryce Canyon, Utah. (It’s a good thing they weren’t on horses.) From there they continued to the Grand Canyon, which was way too hot for their liking, on to Red Rock Canyon, and then to Yuma, Arizona; at this point, if I understood Kevin correctly last night, they must have gotten lost.
At that point they traveled to Yosemite National Park, then to San Diego where they met their mother, Barbara, and went back to Yuma to attend a family reunion.
Brian then returned home to NH for 3-4 years. Brian performed carpentry and worked at the Stone Church in Newmarket. It was now time for a serious Road Trip.
This trip we’ll call the South Pacific Tour, an 8 month trip with his friend, Scott Martinio.
First stop, Bora-Bora, a great spot to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there.
Next stop, Australia where Brian attained a work Visa and worked as a deck hand on a shrimp boat! (Bubba…is that you? Fried shrimp, boiled shrimp, shrimp cocktail, shrimp gumbo…you get the point!) Enough shrimp…on to New Zealand.
There were no shrimp in New Zealand so Brian decided to try sheep farming. (The things you’ll do to make a buck!) Enough sheep…back to Australia, but, back in Australia Brian grew restless only to realize he missed his sheep, so, back to New Zealand again.
Not long after, Brian boarded a plane for Thailand – now we’re talking Brian – After a brief stay, Brian headed to Hong Kong and then to Hawaii where he stayed with Kevin for 1 year working construction.
Does anyone have jet-lag yet?
After leaving Hawaii, Brian boarded a plane for southern California and Santa Cruz, where he met a friend who got Brian into diving…and head first he went!
Next destination: Turks and Caicos Islands in the British West Indies. Once there, Brian, always up for a challenge, attained his Captain’s license, his dive masters certificate, and finally, his instructor’s certificate qualifying him to teach the teachers.
After a 2 year stay he then returned to NH only to leave for Toronto, then Idaho (Kevin was there), Portland, Santa Cruz, Colorado, and finally back to NH.
How many frequent flyer miles was that??
Brian made many impressions on the people he met. He touched so many…
Brian was gifted in many ways…2 more of his attributes were his eye for photography and his gift with a pen. I believe both of these media’s speak volumes on their own…his work will be enjoyed by many for years to come.
Brian had it all…looks, brains, and brawn.
One thing I would like to mention is Brian’s book that he has been writing appropriately named “Cancer Dancer”. This book has been a work-in-progress in which Brian was to write the final chapter after he conquered this last battle with cancer.
Brian lost his battle with cancer, but he went down swinging. It is our hope that with the help of friends and family we can write the last chapter and, hopefully, get Brian’s book published.
Brian Simmons will be remembered by all as a man you could trust, a man who would hold your secrets, a man who was faithful to his word. Brian was as devoted as you could find, not only to his family, friends, and acquaintances, but to his work, life endeavors, and his will to beat his cancer.
Brian’s will and determination never diminished with his battle with cancer. Brian was a Gladiator!
Brian, with the help of many, many people; doctors, nurses, physical therapists, friends, and family, fought to the end.
None of us ever gave up!!
My mind races…so much more I have to say about our best friend Brian, but my hours with a pen have run out. Brian’s time ran out along with his voice so, at this time, I will finish his words to you all:
Mom, I’ll be there soon.
Dad, I love you so much. Thanks for coming home.
Kevin, you were my life. You were always there for me; I’ll always be there for you. Please take over where I left off. I love you.
Mark and family: Your little bro is so proud of you. You’ve made it to the top. Thanks for raising a wonderful family to carry on the heritage of our ancestors.
Cousin Kurt: You were my favorite. Thanks for all the great memories.
To all my relatives: Thanks for all your support and love…I’ll never miss a reunion, I promise.
To the loves of my life: I will never forget my hand touching your face, our eyes interlocked so deeply, our hearts beating as one, our souls forever connected.
To my second family: Kirk, Patty, Seth and Rachel, you’ve done so much for me…your generosity, kindness, love and support has made my passing so much easier. You’re the best-I love you so.
To all my friends, supporters, health-care providers, health fund donators, card writers, phone callers, visitors; you all gave me such reason to live, your support was over-whelming. You all have a special place in my heart. I thank you so much for being my friend. I love you all,
Brianp.s.
Bob, I think you did your best, keep it up. Win the next one for me. Seairra, I’ll miss our talks so much. Love, Brian
p.s.s.
Terry Eustis: your effort with the web site has made a world of difference…thank you so much.
p.s.s.s.
I hope I didn’t leave anyone out…that wouldn’t be my style.
Share your love everyday with those you cherish.
Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much
For a Dancer,
Our mother was a true family matriarch. Daily life, vacations, holidays all evolved around Mom. She was devoted to her family. When she passed in "95 due to complications from leukemia it sent our family into a tail spin. A downward spiral of grief and depression; of guilt and pain. It left us shattered and broken. Brian was the one who picked up the pieces and glued us back together. He assumed the role left vacated by our mothers' passing. Brian was now the focal point of our family. He held us together and made it possible to be a family again. Broken and wounded but fixable and somewhat functional. He was determined not to let us fall apart, but to become even closer as a unit. The loss of Brian has once again devastated our family. A crushing blow whose effects are immeasurable and far reaching. I am still numb and in shock as I write these words. It is eerily surreal to be speaking of Brian in the past tense. I can't grasp it, I'll never understand it and I'll never be able to make any sense of it. This world was a better place with Brian in it. His death from this horrible, despicable and senseless disease serves no purpose to anyone. Brian and our mother shared so many of the same virtues and values. His compassion for family and friends; his willingness to sacrifice himself so others could benefit; his ability to truly listen to what was being said; his careful and considerate responses; his gentle, easy manner; his kindness towards his fellow man; his wonderful sense of humor and warm friendly smile. These are but some of the attributes he inherited from our mother. They will all be greatly missed.Jackson Browne(one of Brian's favorite artists) wrote a song about the death of someone close. Some of the lyrics go: "Keep a fire for the human race. Let your presence drift into space. You never know what will be coming down. Perhaps a better world is drawing near. Just as easy we could all disappear. Along with whatever meaning you might have found. Don't let the uncertainty turn you around. Go on and make a joyful sound. Into a dancer you have grown. From a seed somebody else has thrown. Go ahead and throw some seeds of your own. And somewhere between the time you arrive and the time you go. May be a reason you were alive but you'll never know." Jackson Browne, For a Dancer '74.Brian threw many seeds in his life and he may never know the reason he was alive. But I do Know. Brian was a gift. He gave generously of himself to all whose lives he entered. He touched everyone who's ever known him. Those of us who were lucky enough to share any length of time with Bri know how truly special and unique a person he was. There are not many Brian's walking this earth. He was a beautiful and rare human being. I am truly fortunate to have been able to walk this earth along side Brian for as long as I did. We lived in many places and shared many adventures together. He was so much more than just a brother to me. He was my lifelong best friend, my companion, my partner, my confident, my soulmate. I learned many lessons along the way from my little brother. Brian was my world. I am now left shattered and broken once again. So many pieces are now missing, it will be impossible to glue them back together. I am left with a huge hole in the middle of my being, my soul. Brian would not want me to fall apart, but to keep it together as best I can. To keep on keeping on. It won't be easy. I want to end this letter by saying to anyone and everyone who was a part of Brian's life, who contributed or touched Brian's life in any meaningful or positive way...thank you. I am truly grateful, so was Brian. Please think of Brian often, it will make your life a better place.Peace to all,
Kevin Simmons
P.S.
Bri – I love you, I miss you – you are with me always.
New Photos Added -
While going through photo files, I found a set that Charlotte took after Brian's Service. Below are some collages of the photos.
